Brian Dawes, author of Life According To Brian, has been places and done things few of us can imagine, and a lot of us, including me, probably wouldn’t want to. 
The picture of Brian’s book with the gas mask is a case in point. Brian was attending University in Queensland, Australia, home for the holidays in Bahrain during the First Gulf War. The Bahrain government had issued gas masks to its citizens in case of an attack from Iraq. The English speaking “ex-pats” in Bahrain were avid partiers, not to be deterred by the threat of attack, so they had “gas mask parties.” Everybody had to bring their own gas mask as well as copious amounts of booze.
Brian was born in Perth, Australia, but his family moved to Zambia when he was a child. Zambia proved to be too unsettled for safety, and his family relocated to Bahrain by the time he was three. Most of Brian’s misadventures began when he was sent off to boarding school in England at the age of eleven. Deprived of parental supervision and subjected to strict rules at school, he formed a close friendship with other ex-pat boys. As a group they excelled in finding ways to skirt the rules and get into trouble.
Chapter 3 in his book, aptly titled Four Fools Go Poaching—Escape From Alcatraz, reveals his attitude toward the school and its staff, and the kind of tom-foolery through which he and his buddies escaped. They snuck out one night and went fishing in a neighbors pond (which happened to be a trout farm) and caught a pretty good haul. Of course, they had no way to cook the fish, and had to hide the stash, so the fish ended up in lockers and various other inappropriate places. You can imagine how that worked out after a few days.
At thirteen he managed to convince his parents to allow him to return to Bahrain and attend school there. Before long, however, he heard from a friend that a boarding school in Scotland, aptly named Colditz (after the infamous prison in ‘the Great Escape’) was a pretty good school, and off he went. It didn’t hurt that his grandmother lived in the area. Not that being at a better school changed his behavior much. In Chapter 4: Halfterm Mayhem—Saving the Family Name, the boys spend their school break at a house owned by his ‘unaware’ parents, who were still living overseas. The first night they create a new tradition by getting drunk and jumping off the bridge into the freezing river at 2:00 a.m. The next day, they decide on a toga party, using Brian’s mother’s new sheets, in appropriate colors of bright pink, blue, green, and yellow, and partying on the lawn where the geriatric neighbors are certain to see and report to his grandmother. When they see gran on her way, they sneak out to the local pub, still in togas, of course.
Brian has traveled extensively. I probably missed a couple of countries in reading the book, and there are probably some he didn’t write about, but at the very least, he’s covered Bahrain, Australia, Morocco, Thailand, Uganda, Gambia, Goan (south of India), the United Kingdom, and Egypt.
In Chapter 18, Thailand—Safe Hands Act I, Brian and
his buddy Firthy head to Thailand. In Brian’s words, “Bangkok is best described as utterly chaotic, think manic beehive with the Queen on her period, shouting orders outrageously drunk and high on LSD. General disorder is the dish of the day.” No spoilers here. I’ll let you read the rest of the story yourselves, and see how the “safe hands” bit works out.
In Uganda, Chapter 40, Two Fools Attempt Croc Suicide—My Favorite Flip Flops, Brian and his buddies hire guides to take them fishing in search of huge Nile Perch on the Nile river, where the crocodiles were larger than their boat. Brian’s friend caught the Perch, but Brian landed this monster catfish. Not sure it couldn’t have eaten the boat.
Brian inherited his pension for drinking and risk-taking from his father. When they weren’t partying at home, his dad (far right in the photo next to Brian) had a fold-up portable bar that they would haul out to random places in the Bahraini dessert. Amazingly, Brian survived it all, got married, and lives with his wife Heather and two daughters in Scotland.
Life According To Brian is available on Amazon, and has recently been released on Audiobooks.
I can only apologise in advance for anyone brave enough to attempt this book-now on audiobook too.
I enjoyed reading your book. You have a wonderful sense of humor and a terrifying longing for adventure.